Drowning in Darkness
I am not who I was once before
You can no longer hurt me anymore
I am thankful for the painful scars
That you placed upon my broken heart
For without those tears and the pain
I would not have found strength within the rain
I have been told by many that I am strong
I look at them knowing they must be wrong
I have always lived with such a fear
Hiding within my walls when love was near
Words of promise would leave me broken
I would be shattered with words left unspoken
“I will never leave you” would give me hope
Soon after I would be left empty to cope
Goodbyes are words we never dream
I am so angry right now-I want to scream
So many wasted years I spent waiting
While love died and I was left fading
I withered away while you grew strong
I pleaded for love-you turned and were gone
You left before I ever walked away
All I wanted was you to love me and stay
You became a mere stranger to me
I looked into your eyes and empty I could see
Did I ever even matter-was I of value to you
Or was I just a challenge for you to pursue
Did you ever plan to one day grow old
With me next to you and my hand to hold
Or could you see yourself once again being free
Letting go of all that once reminded you of me
You eliminated my presence one item at a time
I said goodbye-those mountains I could no longer climb
I slowly started to fade within those house walls
Begging for love as I would yet again start to fall
Despair overtook my eyes and knives cut my heart
You did not offer comfort-just pulled me further apart
You became a stranger but then again-were you always?
Did I ever really known the man I pass in the hallway?
How can one be so cold and just not care?
When I spent so many years living within such despair
I grasped at every straw and the least bit of affection
Waiting and hoping for it to come again in my direction
Yet I was only one thing to you-a body of convenience
I look back at it now and on your part that was genius
Never giving more because why should you have to
When you could be happy if to yourself you were true
When you love someone your thoughts do not drift
You do not want them then in the next moment shift
You cannot make to someone a promise of devotion
When you have no intention of keeping that notion
How could you look at my tears and just turn away
When I needed your arms around me to be Ok
You were cold and distant and a stranger often to me
I was left broken and decided to finally let you go free
I packed and left giving your life back once more
I looked over my shoulder in tears as I walked out that door
You did not grab hold and ask me to please stay
Instead you hurried me to leave and pushed me on my way
Don’t you ever hurt or miss me even in the least
As I am now gone and our love has become deceased
You were happy before me or so I have heard
You can once again bury your heart and leave it unstirred
The pain some days kills me and tears flow down
I wish you happiness as I sit in this darkness and drown
Well, you’re not gonna drown…
but you might find yourself feeling every wave like it’s an old friend.
Just a thought.. In my experience, it’s the price you pay when you learn a particular type of swimming.
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